Tuesday, July 5, 2011

What You Need To Understand When Raising Step Children

By Grant Victor Xavier


It is important for all step parents to know that they must proceed with caution in their new role as a step parent in their new family. Many times these children have lost a parent through an accident or a separation of their parents. No matter what the circumstances, raising step children is a situation that takes patience and adaptability.

Your role as a stepparent will be much easier if your stepchildren are assured that you do not want to replace their natural parent. This is important as long as the children are old enough to be fully aware of the situation. Be very careful not to begin your new life with your step-kids by acting like their "parent." They won't like it and it will take longer for them to accept you. It's important that you and your stepchildren are friends, but they must also respect your relationship with your new spouse, in particular when it comes to the area of discipline. One obstacle that might take some time to work out is being perceived as both a friend to your stepchildren and a person of authority in their lives. It might take a little time to get this balanced out correctly.

Patience will be one of the main virtues you bring to your role as a stepparent. It takes a while for a stepchild to accept a new parent figure into their life; so don't look for immediate rapport with the child. Whatever the circumstances that separated your stepchild from the biological parent whose place you have assumed, they are likely to resist you at first. Keep in mind that part of the reason for this resistance and/or resentment is simply the fact that they miss their original parent. A lot of new stepparents try too hard to get accepted by their stepchild. It's important to be consistent, but equally important not to force yourself on the child. In time, the child will relax and accept you. This will come more easily if you just assure them you don't plan to replace their biological parent, but you are there for them whenever they need you.

When you're a step parent, the role of the original biological parent can be a sensitive issue. This is even the case if the original parent has died. He or she will still have a place in your stepchild's heart. In the case of a separation or divorce, when your new partner may have conflicting feelings about the biological parent, this can be tricky. It's not your place to state an opinion about a natural parent who mistreated the kids. You should stay neutral on the subject or even be a little positive if you must say something. Whatever part the biological parent played in the lives of your stepchildren, you have to respect the kids right to keep their own version of their memories.

As we've seen in this article, there are many aspects to being a step parent, and things don't always go as smoothly as you'd like. It is important that you keep a positive frame of mind realizing that you will have a solid and happy family in the future once the step children have had time to adjust to you. The advice we've shared in this article can be helpful in this regard, and you always have to let the relationship develop in a natural way and not try to rush things.

If you genuinely wish to make sure you have a very good relationship with all the members of your family, then it's important to take holidays together. Going on a getaway can do miracles for any family member, as it gives you so much quality time and energy to appreciate some actions together. Begin planning your next family holiday today.




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